Thursday, September 22, 2011

The messages I hear & what I will do about it

Every single day I hear the same things:

You are fat. 
You are ugly. 
You are worthless because you don't have a job. 
You are such a statistic of the good for nothing teenage mom 16 years later. 
You aren't good enough. 
You are too lazy. Your house is such a mess your kids should be taken away. 
You are too lazy. You should be at the gym running 10km every day.
You are a terrible mother - no wonder one of the kids moved out and two others only live with you half the time. 
You fail at life. 
You need to be perfect and you are so far from it you couldn't see perfect if it hit you in the face.
You fail at love. It's your fault  you are single. If you were "better" he never would have left you.
You don't deserve to be treated kindly - you deserve every bit of garbage that people throw at you.
You should drop off the face of the earth, no one would miss you and the world would be a better place for it. 

If I saw or heard someone treating my friends, family or even an acquaintance so poorly I would be livid. I would step in, I would defend them.
So why is it okay I keep hearing this? I keep listening to it and believing it.

I am my own worst enemy the vast majority of the time. This has really become clear here lately.

I will choose to ignore those voices screaming at me from within my own head.
I will choose to battle my faults, but keep a realistic view of what those faults actually are.
I will keep educating myself. 
I will surround myself with people who show me that I am better than all the "truths" I hear about myself. I will distance myself from those who reinforce those messages.
I will find a way to give back. No, right now I can't hold a job but I can volunteer somewhere I'm sure.

It's hard. So hard to make change but I am strong and I can do it. 

1 comment:

  1. You are goodness and light. You have raised five amazing children. You don't need to be perfect, you just need to love yourself. Forgive yourself. Be kinder to yourself.

    You will succeed. You are loved.